Clarity

I shared a version of this reflection at my cohort’s commitment to service – a morning where the 29 of us sat in a circle and shared songs, poems, quotes, essays, art & extemporaneous thoughts about our commitment to serve in Colombia for the next two years.

I like to think that everything happens for a reason.  But often, in the moment, those reasons are frustratingly unclear.

After being evacuated from Peace Corps Nicaragua, I found myself, through no fault of my own, at the age of twenty-nine, living in my parents’ house, in a city I hadn’t lived in since I was a teenager, where I had no friends and no job.  

It was hard to see a way forward and easy to wonder if trying the Peace Corps again was really a good idea.   

Although the two months I had spent in Nicaragua was a period of tremendous growth and friendship, the first three months of Peace Corps – Pre-Service Training – are notoriously difficult, and I didn’t know if I wanted to put myself through that again.  I had become very close with my cohort in Nicaragua, and I worried that I wouldn’t be able to find the same emotional support for the hard work of a Peace Corps Volunteer with a new group of people.

Ultimately, of course, I decided to give Peace Corps another chance.  What brought me back was the work and the philosophy behind it.  

The work of a Peace Corps Volunteer consists primarily of developing relationships.  It is centered around people rather than projects, around building trust rather than building physical structures, around mutual respect and understanding rather than benevolent but misguided charity.

In the eleven months between being evacuated from Nicaragua and arriving in Colombia, I had lots of time to reflect on why I wanted to do this kind of work.  

I thought about how it felt the first time I co-taught a class of sixty teenagers in Spanish and they were actually engaged. 

I thought about seeing the students in my youth group take leadership roles and learn from each other.

And I remembered when my host mom – Mama Elsa – introduced me to some visiting relatives as her daughter.  Isn’t it wonderful, she said, she was born in the United States and she came to Nicaragua to find me. 

All this is to say, I loved the work that I had done and the relationships I had built in Nicaragua.  

Every day I was surprised by my ability to try new things and even more surprised to sometimes succeed at them.  I felt excited to be challenged by my work in a way I had never felt before.  Excited because I had never believed so much in the purpose behind my efforts.  

It is such an incredible privilege to be able to work at a job that you love.  As I sat at a desk in a cubicle in an office at a job I did not love, day after day, reflecting on all of this, the question evolved from: Should I try this again? to How could I not?  

All the reasons I had wanted to join Peace Corps in the first place – live in another country, improve my Spanish, gain new skills, make a career change, find meaningful work – were still desires in my heart.  I had to finish what I had set out to accomplish.

And then I moved to Colombia and reality hit.  Heat as I had never experienced it before drained my energy and left me sweaty and dehydrated.  The costeño accent and colloquialisms made me question my ability to understand Spanish.  Opening myself to new relationships seemed inexplicably harder than it had before.  Any notions I may have had that Peace Corps round two would be any easier than the first attempt quickly evaporated.

It wasn’t until the day our sites – the towns where would we would live and work for the next two years – were announced that I had a moment of clarity. 

The day prior I had had a premonition that I would be sent to Usiacurí, a town known for its artisan-made products woven from palma de iraca.  It made sense to me – an art history major working with artisans.

As much as I tried to suppress this errant thought so as not to be disappointed, I was completely unsurprised when my site was announced – Usiacurí. 

When I visited Usiacurí for the first time – experiencing its charm, meeting some of its lovely residents and feeling safe and welcomed – I felt like this was how my Peace Corps service was always meant to be.

My path to becoming a Peace Corps Volunteer was slow and circuitous, but I made it, and I couldn’t be happier to be here.

Have you ever had to rebuild or start over?  Tell me about it in the comments below. 

Photo: the Virgin & Child statue outside the church of Santo Domingo de Guzman in Usiacurí